the first snow and I couldn’t resist
rushing to you:
loyal to you

all hiss and pride
and hanging in the air:
nails down your back
ripping at your spine,
half done snarl in the form of
a crooked smirk
grinning at your mild decline;
your declination of my every invite.
fur like spurs
digging in your side,
tongue that’s moist with things
I heard,
some lies they bent,
            I need you
some spell to win me.

I’m all teeth and thoughtless words,
lost in clouds and raining all over
your turf, taking liberties
with casualties in the form of
plainer girls you claim to love
but you love to hurt.
smile shaped like a shovel
picking at your sacrum,
sink into your gut,
unearth your tender insides
when I should have been
turning that blood-leaking beam inward:
      you missed a spot
digging in
digging in
digging into my own garden
and wishing you well
but i’m also

holding a cup of hot cocoa,
watching the flurry through the curtains,
notice your ghost laughing in the corner,
notice my ghost walking through
walls and playing ringmaster.
I’m imagining our reconciliation
to be betternthan it will be
and understanding that you still
feel me very near you,
still close to you somehow.
and darling,
heavy-hearted and you want to
even things out:
do you feel me holding you at night?
do you feel my fingers steal the sonnets from
your breath?
                         do you prefer me all over or out of our head?
do you feel my cobwebs lining the posts of your bed,
eager to revive, catch, never swept?
feel me like a demon poultice
chained and soothing your Saturnian debt:
soft veins and softer legs wrapped around you,
eight in all,
some fang pulls your ear,
               whisper whisper whisper
a well done French kiss,
bite marks wrap your neck and I am
wishing you a very sincere and mostly becoming,
                          it’s for the best
very slow, very slow,
very patient,
very deliberate,
very well,
(you stayed with me last night)

I think we both know it’s time
to understand me. I start
sending you nightmares,
and you say
I feel like last year.



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