december 13 2018 

I hold onto this tracking for a day or two. I know how my habits start: strong, detailed, honored like idols whatever routine I set. I am both steadfast and thrown off by anything,  easily excitable and taken on a whim. It’s why I’m the perfect victim. I love grand ideas, passion, grandiosity. I love the ignition, the way it buzzes when it starts.

I can stand ground but it’s papery. Thin, I mean. Like I live in a veil between thoughts. It’s the transition I ponder about on these walks. how to get from here to there without really going anywhere. I’m at the corner of Spruce and fifth, and I think: will i always be like this?

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