ah a whole day of cravings
I curbed. feeling lighter
here.  drinking coffee out of
blue and yellow porcelain cups,
how it sustains and suppresses
an appetite: drinking a beverage
out of a beautiful mug as if
that’s all you’re right to hold;
a burst of anxiety.

I am cataloging
food as it relates to money.
the less I consume,
the more I save for
other things.
I do not tell my partner
how little I am eating
merely thin myself
like I’ve always earned
to be a paper waif,
and just kind of

I realize that my bank account has
nothing in it for the third time in
my life. these are things that haunt
you as they stand,
not later.
the way you cradle the welcome
gift from his mother,
these dishes, these pots:
tangerine and carnation
yellow, and red bowls.
red plates.
you felt the edges of the sink and saw
something else in the townhouse.

you hated the stairs that cut through the center
but when he left
you loved the space,
and the backyard lined with
green safety fence he put up
to keep the cat safe inside.
these are things that haunt
as they stand,
all the ways I’ve entered
and the interminable slam
and me, beginning to
talk to ghosts again
in the corridor.

“doors #1”

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