the first thing to go
you cannot survive harsh conditions
and also be struggling with
some kind of emotion,
trying to name the fluid
mood swing, you needed to
think snap out of it.
it was easier to manage the complicated
process via parable.
it was not easy to communicate
any needs, wants, or inner
the first thing to go is
you cannot survive a gun attack
if you’re hysterical.
that’s what I think walking to the El.
and then I picture several different
ways it would look to be attacked
by a man with a gun suddenly.
I cannot pass up cravings.
I am on my fourth cup of coffee
running through all of the scenarios
in which I will die
and planning my escape route for
and having zero emotion
the second is hope.
“third wave (grief)”