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  • “Name your torture,”
    one of them said
    with a wink.

    I wanted an orchard
    but I swallowed the vodka
    he handed me
    willingly.

    “The Gorge”

  • i go to the vibrating home of the Devil
    and scream.
    I’ve been waking up at three am and pondering
    for an hour.
    I start to notice my gestures change.
    I begin using the collective we freely
    and i’m soft like butter.

     

  • ok ive thought about it,
    ill finish the spell.

    we are bound until
    i finish the spell
    should have started with

    well, you’re probably just thinking about me too much

  • taciturn but for some
    icy speech and bleak;
    caustic prose in
    squalling breezes that freeze
    and stick to your cheeks,
    harden               bite your tongue
    in frostbit chomps so it takes a while before we
    cut those
    meek coughs off
    just as they start.
    before they form into spit,
    white noise, handwritten
    cards,
    I sprout into a raging sun

  • you need a break

     

    I went from being a frozen tundra:
    algid, wide and growing fields of
    ground to cover with
    no visible tracks to follow
    unless the wind was kind and left
    the prints
    which it wasn’t often.

  • she said to me
    (and remember no one asked i tell stories like this)
    it is such a wonderful thing to be surrounded by ghosts.
    ghosts give you power.
    do not be afraid of the ghosts.

  • it was the way she held the
    king of cups,
    almost like an afterthought.
    she said this
    king of cups
    person and i
    just started laughing.

     

  • the witch today told me
    i need to talk to you
    and there is an end to this quarrel.

    I laughed,
    she said
    send a loooong thought out
    email or message explaining
    the thing about Spotify
    and that you’re paranoid
    and your weird behavior
    and just reach out and try to talk to him.

    and im laughing and i say to her

    i did that.

    i already did that.
    but ok, i say,
    if this is the truth, how about
    (i believe in harm reduction)

    I just write a draft of what i want to say first to start

  • you will know me
    by my fang-toothed
    smile.

    “morphic resonance”

  • one day I had a dream
    you bit the head off of a blue jay
    and spit it back into her nest.
    when I asked why you said:
    To prove you will never leave me.
    here I  am,
    on command about to run
    across the canyon and I
    laugh real loud in my
    skin tight
    dress:

    the one cut real low in the back
    in the shape
    of an obtuse
    triangle, jarring contrast
    to my scared-straight spine
    but I still
    slouch,
    don’t I?.

    I twist the straw into
    crooked pieces
    and tell myself things:

       make sure they know
      you are having
    a real good time
    show your teeth
    hearty laugh
    with belly and mouth and your
    lips are stretched to the limits like your
    social apathy.
    show your full moon eyes
    and hide.
    hold your tonic like a wand;
    fall asleep inside of
    yourself

    in the middle of
    everything.

     

    later, he will show
    you photographs
    to prove you were
    there.
    if you are lucky,
    he notices
    the door opening,
    the splash
    of scarlet on your tights
    as you replace each page,
    as you become the
    walking lake flooding
    the wake that held
    you, and he becomes
    the witness that love
    is shaking sometimes
    but still sharp
    and with purpose,
    the utility that seizes
    to deconstruct,
    to create with its
    generous efficacy;
    make more of less,
    make more of one solid square,
    make moats of larger masses
    retaining density.

    not the surgeon or the stitch
    but the undulation,
    the quiver of the knife,
    the first wave
    hits.

    “tributaries”

  •  

     

    shredded letters I tried using
    as fertilizer,
    grow something from our
    sudden valediction:
    calendula,

     

    jasmine to lighten the darker parts
    of my libations;
    the ones that tease my hair and 
    take me    pull me under the bath
    water gently
    as I kick and try not to
    scream.
    violets, honeywort, scent of honeysuckle wafting
    from the roach holes,

    mugwort to get my blood moving again.
    Easter lilies the cats shouldn’t touch so I
    hang them from the rafters
    and let the leaves fall brown
    one by one;
    let the paws scatter the ashes of that,
    mice, my previous
    laurels.

    cheery dandelions burst from
    the cracks in the linoleum and
    I keep a bromeliad at the doorway
    to protect me with her spikes;
    self-effacing, straight and strong unlike the
    hard, twisted ways I grow to be.
    orchids to wilt in too much sunlight when I’m
    doting myself to death,
     a bouquet of roses to give my daughter
    when she becomes moss
    in someone else’s garden,
    feral evocation           an arboretum
    started at the ankle. or
    a whole cherry tree,

    rooted and I can chop
    it down to gorge.
    something sweet to chomp
    while I’m choking down
    the acidic no,
    extra pillow space.
    my place: curtains drawn,
    devoid of moons.
    my place:
    curtains open,
    enveloped in
    the new full sun.
    my place,
    giant cobweb stuck with
    stem and black succor.

    I prepare the dried lemon balm
    in the mason jar,
    two cups of hot water,
    watch the window blanket itself in white flakes
    of anesthesia,
    embrace the change in seasons
    openly without any phone calls,
    any text, any hexed
    postcard,
    or really,
    much incident at all
    considering my history.

    “perennial”

     

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