I grew up with a marble chess board in my living room and if you asked where it was today I couldnt tell you. If im accustomed to a particular feeling, its losing everything and things that matter most; holding value or life, and exhibit A is my mother telling me that my father often beat her in chess. And me,

there cant be tv but there can be select music always like aphex twin or a similar low. And im usually focused on 1-2 pieces and always my knight; plotting how he will move because he’s kinda confusing to outsiders. You really have to have good spatial reasoning to predict him which I didnt until I started playing chess.
and honesly I’m losing 80 percent of the time. But not agitated really,
just spurred by it. Excited.
Because I lose the same way everytime, I think there’s some gain with this reflection.
I break my intense concentration with daydream. Every time. And exhausted, I decide on some very grand move.

Ill have five of his pawns, his bishop and one of his knights. Maybe even two. And remember its been an hour. And ill be set up defensively so any move he makes, I will take. Literally, if I stick to some forethought, I have made it impossible for him to move with defense.

Of mine, he’ll have one rook and maybe two pawns and that’s it. And upper handed, I decide im invisible in this moment.
He cant see or hear me and in my mind,
I carve a giant Z in our own marble.
The one we own.
The one WE bought.
Make a tiny move.
Leave my queen.

He’s always using his queen.

And now my king is wide open and still not accepting defeat, I make him dance for the end. Checkmate is just a suggestion to me.
Convincing him not with pieces but with words that I still have a chance. With furrowed brow and tone. Smile.
So he is impressed by my tenacity and confused by my assurance, he cant see Ive been dead for five moves. Im keeping him interested.
Wondering if he will simply fold.

“Chess”