Uncategorized – Page 167

you’re something else.

something that can’t hang around
but also can’t spell
retreat without a
book being forced
in your face.

I’m a thesaurus, and I’m
suddenly panting
like an exiled Arabian
falling in love with every mirage
that promises water,
mouth as cup,
swift recompense for the previous harms
done by your
fathers.

we’re meeting in the middle
of a wide abyss that I picked,
and the first thing you want to
know is:
how did you get here,
and where do you really live?
and I want to know if you
brought any food and
why you ever let someone you don’t
know in.
you are unphased by the red veins
in the clouds, and the way they clap
black as my mood shifts,
the exes in my eyes,
the way the night moves out of my
way every time I step outside
to greet the twilight,
the portending moon,
and I am hoping we can
finally talk about the way it
felt when we left it up to
God.

just so you know,
I begin,
the greatest trick the devil ever played
was herself, and she’s the only one
listening to your
impetuous cries
tonight.

“the emergence”

May 18, 2019 0

I drove through ghosts and all of middle Earth
to get here;
to lean into the sharp points
of middle hurts.
the difference between you and I
are only a couple stealth instruments
but we both murder with force;
with words that creep down the esophagus
in the middle of the night,
rupture guts and my stomach turns in half
like a huge, hungry mouth just
folding from the pressure,
investigating old sutures with
her incisors and voraciously
eating itself.

i’m trying self-immolation since the recovery
stopped working.
stalking your shadow,
waiting for high noon,
marauding around the Conoco station with
two kinds of Plan B in my pocket:
one for the inevitable fetus to follow and
one for you and I to cut in half and swallow
when you make your decision
and I’m the one that gets to record the way
it felt to watch you dragged to the altar
that foreboding day.

I wish had more words for
everything hurts.
i’m the paper bell you inspected,
glued glitter hearts all over,
licked like an envelope being set somewhere else
and ultimately flung from the shelf
before she had time to prosper.
in true poet’s parlance
i’m nothing but death: soot palms, a trash can full of
worst thoughts,
one pen, colossal regret,
charcoal-colored romance with the
murdered children to accentuate my
growing malaise.
kamikazes are lazy, cowardly fighters.

(give him the truth)
you have to stand in your wreckage,
own your slaughter.
makes more sense to avoid the fumes and
blood-orange sting that the flashy
hara-kiri brings.
(give him the teeth)
i’m your match.
(give him that spark)

there’s nothing left of me
to burn so I become
the portending light
and you become
the ashes.

“urns”

May 18, 2019 0

She turned to him, “I only feel heard through writing. I feel like they listen to me when I write.”

“So you are writing to feel heard?”

“I just feel like I captivate better in written word. One day, I realized I had the attention of the whole world when I write so I just started writing more.”

“And now?

“And now I become the masochist and you become the looming hit.”

“wordplay” or “I’m hit”

May 17, 2019 0

in this dark forest, few answers
matter: are you the hunter,
or the hunted?
are you for us,
or against
us?

are you
certain?

May 17, 2019 0

my favorite word is
unabashedly
I say to no one.

May 17, 2019 0

you were born to understand
and teach lessons.
you were given a choice.
you chose this road
first, then the
present.

become an alcoholic to
find a higher power.
meditate occasionally to
see how well it suits you.
in between,
fill the emptiness with Oreos,
coffee,
a smoking habit you detest
but gives your fingers something to
do when you’re speaking anxiously
in public,
when the caffeine is rearranging your
tongue into metaphors and you
need a moment of pause,
clarifying to the audience
with a descriptor you
forgot.

run a 5K every three weeks
to give yourself a mission,
get back in shape,
hone your vision of
yourself.
bathe everyday.
tell the cat you love her
and pet her for an extra few minutes
before you walk for hours
to lose those new found vowels
completely.
pluck out your roots and
dead ends
hiding in a stealth spot.
begin a practice of voyeurism.
sit comfortably and
file your nails into sharp points.
when deadly,
lean into them.
write everything down.

start ordering your steak rare:
inhale the lost veal,
the lost zeal of an entire feedlot;
the scent of plasma and cud.
devour a a squealing colony
without remorse.
give cannibalism a chance.
you’re talking to yourself in public again.
the looks from the other patrons are fine;
they don’t bother you.
you remember them with skinned knees on
bathroom tile; your stomach in
velvet knots,
your obsessive purge.
you remember them peering at you
in courtrooms,
you remember them in handcuffs,
in shackles,
side eyes from jealous brides
as you make a scene at the open
bar.
the way you’ve stolen, the way you’ve
groveled afterwards. the way they held
onto those wrongs and their
condescending pats on the back,
withdrawn.
how you’ve managed to
survive it all with gratitude,
without much impact.
you’ve risen to their ranks.

get your wisdom teeth removed
and then
cut them into daggers.
check out Home Depot,
ask for “industrial size”
ignore all the
are you ok ?
you’re muttering again.
read the directions,
this stuff is toxic,
don’t get it on your eyelids.
press the bone back into your sockets,
flick the canines,
gotta be solid.
smile:

you’re still celibate.
you’re still hungry;
avaricious,
less slovenly from
all the exercise,
less addled than before
and armored like the night.
go back to the diner,
lick your plate,
click your tongue.
you showed them how starvation’s done,
you showed them how to roam.
you put your money where your
mouth is: your gold
is in the bones
you glued into your gums.
now you show them home.

your mouth is lined with
homemade knives, and you’re
wafting noxious with each
breath you begin to teach
them how to
move on instinct.
you begin to salivate
with virile.
you begin to chew more
loudly.
Miss? you ok, Miss?
now you’re gonna
show them how
to run.

“the siren”

May 17, 2019 0

“I scheme a lot,
I know,
I plot and plan:
that’s how a queen in prison
spends her time.
But there is more to me than that.”
–A Lion In Winter

I want it back as good
as you get it.

I’m a queen wrapping her
linens in deity and
dreaming.
You are the stark silhouette
of a man on fire
stalking the world’s line
in an effort to destroy everything
that is naturally gold
or naturally divine.

I’m practicing brevity.
You are a friendly snake in my moss:
wraithlike and weaving,
delivering me whole orchards,
watching me devour the cores.
You’re black like me.
You waft wide away when you ignite:
spectral smoke that shifts into bored fingers
choking the equator’s throat
to have a good time.

I emasculate.
You invite.
Remind you,
I have no true armor or fists
to fight this,
I am no knight.
I’m a spell;
a woman of deific heritage who felt like a pot
boiling over and needed to
cool off for awhile,
remembered to kneel and wash my face,
drink the bubbling creek of my
cool, blue heart:
a cathedral door standing frozen,
and slightly ajar.

I’m carnivorous but sick of the mess
so I become a melting ice cap
that will soon rise to run
and ruin everything she rushes.
You are impossible to hold on to
but I chase to soothe
like ice water on the last day of June
when school is long out and the high noon beams
are shining on every slide on the block
and the toes are branded pink,
and I want you to swallow me in one sip,
gag spit me out in the dirt
and lick me back up slowly
from this burning Earth
while I watch.

I’m entitled to this.
The day the world runs red with horizon
and I emerge:
my hubris residing in my tongue
demanding you guess my name,
gelid and expecting it.
Hear my chest creak in
anticipation, the stained glass shakes;
this great glacial organ that should give life,
but found in ire she is blindingly white,
binding, arctic and unmoved so
she just envelops everything she can
to preserve and study
and surmise she was right.

I’m hugging you tightly.
Your mouth is one giant O:
sapphire and stiff and trying to scream
and your two lips will never meet mine,
will never meet again.
In this place you will stay stationary
without a breath to blow
or a vein to bleed
or a vocal cord to tell me to stop or leave
and your confusion warms
these blizzard fits.
You want to tell me some final thing.
What left do you have
that I couldn’t conjecture myself?
I’ve heard it.
I’ve lived through this.

The words eternally yours
are most often cried throughout
hell, and I have spent many nights
covering my ears with pillows
and other ideas about
twins and pockets of
“well, it always starts in winter”.

“horizon”

May 17, 2019 0

“I scheme a lot,
I know,
I plot and plan:
that’s how a queen in prison
spends her time.
But there is more to me than that.”
–A Lion In Winter

May 17, 2019 0

who’s the wolf and who’s the moon
and am I the witch that controls the
two?

May 17, 2019 0

You started listening to Aphex Twin
based on a recommendation that someone
recently made;
that I had made prior.
but I didn’t point that out.
You were now making short films
with girls from Brooklyn who said things like
“I wish I was a real witch like you”
and demanded you talk in a British accent
when we ordered at Taco Bell.
The minute I got home I started a fight
with my new one before I
started to feel the insides slip out of their
cozy pink packaging,

started to rummage through a rush of old texts
as it happened that said:
meet me at ____
and now
so I could hold onto the idea of being wanted so badly
I was the top shelf cognac in your
unpolished snifter glass,
not the flaxen swollen kidney,
or the repercussion;
the egregious morning after
and the girl laying beside her.
I pretended I was the prize, the warmth,
the poison you crave.
I felt his fingers try to clean me out;

clean out the place where you rested your cheek once
and inhaled my constant fuss.
I now lay still, impassive in the habit of some
pretend attention with my eyebrow lifted,
half smirk and suspicious of his onslaught of
sudden affection that seems to twist me once the words
leave his lips and hit me with a dry kiss
I didn’t prepare for or want in my
corner.
When he started to ask me if I was bleeding again,
I started to explain about anise angelica
the cohosh family,
about a poem I wrote,
the curse of vision,
and a dramatic induction

what does blood taste like?
I licked our home from his fingers;|
swallowed hard to taste the copper,
the iron I lacked and the insight.
reached past his undercurrent of verbal rancor
to grab a tampon so he could forgive
my temporary brooding for the night.
I felt an altar in his bathroom
flushing our daughter down the toilet.
I had a sense of quiet importance
bleeding openly all over his floor
without apology, without
discernment, or
judgment of my ethics.
With men, it was pertinent
I was both feared and
adored.
I didn’t clean things up.

I left his bathroom
stained with our attempts at
reconciliation so he knew what
once owned me;
knew what I once owned and
abandoned with silent, fervid
violence.

“the infusion”

May 17, 2019 0