I stopped on the corner and opened my phone and began writing things down. It took me forever to get anywhere.  Decidedly, I was going to take a more accurate inventory.
1. adenoma, benign
2. hyperparathyroidism
3. calcium levels are fine so it’s can’t be adenoma–don’t need surgery, that’s what she said. “Your calcium levels are fine but I can refer you to an endocrinologist if you’re still worried.” This isn’t psychosomatic.
4. my diet is poor but I have been actively infusing calcium for months and sneaking dairy.
5. possibly, the enlargement has shrunk as my diet has gotten better.
6. tell doctor about years of malnourishment and drinking tea. tea affects absorption.
I get plenty of sunlight, even in winter, I use a sunlamp and take vitamin d supplement.
7. mood swings related to diet.
8. anorexia related to choking.
9. blood sugar drops effects mood.
10. hyperparathyroidism causes depression.
My partner once told me I should run for mayor. It takes me forever to get anywhere, I am always going back in time and forward and listening to the wind thirty blocks north.
“You’re the most ethical person I have ever met and not easily corrupted. You wouldn’t be persuaded and you love truth telling. I think you’re allergic to lies.”
“I would never be mayor.”
“The pressure.
I can whine, complain and bitch but also fix a bunch of things. My criticism is the blimp that carries me.
` 11. fatigue. have been sleeping more which helps. not working helps. rest helps. I have been eating better.
“You’re also a big shiny light,” he said.
“I don’t want to be mayor. I don’t want to be noticed. I just want things fixed.”
My moods move houses. They jump from room to room. Something that feels uncontrollable might possibly be uncontrollable.
12. poltergeist
I wanted a reason, not an excuse. That’s when I first called her.
13. Lilith
“I just think you have exceptional talent you may be wasting drinking.”
And then you go backwards.
12. History of drinking. What do several unchecked concussions do to a body? Vitamin depletion? Dehydration? Liver and kidney detox.
11. What does incessant walking due to the knees, the back, while carrying groceries to make it feel “productive?”?
10. What does caffeine do? Active urination from caffeine. Dry body leads to excessive water intake. Lots of urination
What does love feel like?
“I used to never sleep.”
“Oh yeah,” he rolled over. “And now?”
Looking up at the ceiling, I thought carefully.
“Then one day I learned I could walk through dreams.”

“Datura moon”

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