They lead me to their squad car in silence and ask me to sit in the backseat. My mood swings again but I clutch the edges of my jacket to sit still. Climbing in, cavalier, as if I have nothing to worry about it, locked in the back of a prison cell, I am really truly pulsing.. Brown eyes gets in the drivers’ seat and I watch blue eyes walk further up the block. Brown eyes grins at me as he settles, reaching his hand out for my phone.
“Don’t worry, I won’t look at it. Just going to put it on the charger.”
Sometimes when people ask me to do something, I shake. I begin to quiver as I perform the task. I am sure there is something wrong with me, my outfit, the way I write my name, sign a check, do my thumbprint. I am sure they see it: the fallacy, the fool, the jest. I am wearing a flesh costume of a woman assured in her self and today I am playing the part of Samantha Liss, twenty six, and quite possibly unafraid of anything. She has a big handsome boyfriend and wonderful parents and a home she loves.
“Thank you,” I hand him the phone.
I watch him fumble. His hands are dry, cracking around the cuticles. He has short stubby hands and nails and I can tell without even getting close to him that his breath smells like coffee, that he is duped sometimes but proficient at others, and that he finds my muted sensuality alluring enough to make chit chat. I clear my throat.
“Got it,” he says glancing back at me.
His smile is kind and he has age lines. I spectate he is thirty six years old. His fingers are bare though he may not wear a ring while he is working. He looked forward and I watched him, glancing away when I caught his eyes in the rearview. His partner was talking to a neighbor.
“Did you lose power?”
“Me? Uhhh yeah, we all did. I mean most of  us did.”
“What area are you in?”
“Oh, this area, closer to Snyder though, and a little west.”
I never wanted to see this man again.
“That whole area is out?”
“Most of it yeah,” he nodded watching his partner.
This is when I sort of slither back in. The shaking stops. I’m suddenly cool to the look and the touch and I’m biting my lip, cocking my head. This is when I settle back in. My eyes are set on the rearview waiting for the next glimpse. Make myself shrink in the back like my car seat is too tight. I need to get out. Watch you in the rearview as you watch your partner. This is when I begin to stretch and I am no longer shaking. He looks up at me again and I hold the gaze but taken to another place. What am I, little worm? I held it up to the sun after the rain settled and the sky began it’s slow unveil. I held that worm up to the sun and then dropped it on the concrete. Began hopping up and down on it until it was smashed to bits and stuck to my shoe and I could lean down and whisper at it’s dismemberment. Unafraid unafraid unafraid.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: