If I had more time, I’d scrub my house daily. from bottom to top. I’d do nothing but sweep and mop the floors as I tracked in dirty from my long walks. I go nowhere, I just walk the city. Sometimes to get things. Mostly to gaze at the cracks in the walls or the litter in the curb. i see syringes every time and i find spiders scurrying across or I am also obsessed with windows, even if they don’t reflect back. broken or taped, I always feel drawn by them.
I love sparrows. My house is always surrounded by them no matter where I live. I knew I’d missed the stained glass windows. unsure if i’d miss the house itself; it’s mold or my pacing thoughts. also i did too many rituals in that place and needed a fresh start. i didn’t trust the infrastructure. when i moved, i took what i needed. i was not going to leave suddenly but with care.
I am speaking out loud as I round Pine Street unaware of how far I walked and with so much to do. If it were up to me, I’d make the bed neat. Pillows to match. The toilet, tub and sink would be porcelain white and the smell of citrus and bergamot throughout my house. Pine-Sol when I am out of town. Incense. The basement would be organized into perfect squares with everything labeled.
Then I decide it’s more honest about my time and my journaling as I succumb to the urge to confess anyway. asunder. I’m always thinking of words I’ve read used and heard as a means to encapsulate me. i am also mendacious and just dissected the reckless driver in me. Everytime the moon is dark again, I’m ready to set the best saintly intention but then I just fall back into myself. here are my notes in no particular order.
Nursing home massacre; choking on peanut butter sandwiches, an aid just kills them all by giving them peanut butter sandwiches and no water.
Dream maze. touch the shower walls.
Next: childhood of violence dirty and bullying other kids. introduction of the con you present to him a con artist am I who I say I am and so you trust me
A large crowd had gathered waiting for brunch. I thought this place had rats I exclaim out loud in front of green eggs cafe.But I actually didn’t know
i would just walk behind men, peacocking sometimes for a whole mile or for however long I could away with it. But i wanted to rob them. More than that, I wanted them to feel frightened of the stature I held calmly and only two feet behind them rounding every corner with them. I just began following different men around town. as I felt called to when one passed by me. it is with no regret I write anything i say.
Electric sentience joins music.