December 17 2018

In which our comrades are betrayed, we freeze
And marvel at the smashing nonchalance
Of nature: what better way to test taut fiber
–sylvia plath

Maybe I will just write a quote down and leave it at that. I told my therapist I was trying to make a daily journal and she thought it was a good idea. I’m constantly perseverating around the way out. It will either be me jumping off a bridge and falling to the bottom of a river or it’s going to be more theatrical than that.

I’ve eaten three bananas
three and a half cups of coffee w vanilla almond milk
a handful of raw green beans
two bowls of popcorn

three mason jar glasses of water
some rice and left over dal
two packages of ramen with sriracha and peanut butter
about five grapes but will probably eat more.

I can’t get settled tonight and want to keep consuming. We are not even talking anymore and I am on fire. I don’t know how to get through these things without lying. I begin the big lie. 

I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.



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