December 18 2018

I am indecisive about my journaling. I don’t like seeing my apathy reflected back so cooly. I tape all the mirrors in my house again. I have three and they are all covered with sheets. It’s hard to look at yourself. I tell myself after tonight’s walk I will take more serious measures to ensure I do not, in fact, become myself again. But I will not journal tonight.

Tomorrow, I tell the cat. Tomorrow i will begin a severe monitoring of nefariousness. Send it to the trash. Learn to love. I want to sabotage you. 

No we aren’t doing that.

I wish people could just read my thoughts. I smoked three bowl hits and am too paranoid to leave the house so I pace the living room a while before heading out into the 45 degree weather. I am grateful for its warmth even though it’s night.

I am sore about us not talking but I hate you.