the pandemic is the perfect time to live in delusion and memory but I have chosen presence as a display of servitude to my goddesses who have gifted me with vision. and the truth was id been dodging life in an effort to sit down and type and this felt like the best first way to do this. to actually cave and give in and to start by allowing yourself to be taken by something that you have little control over once you ingest. to surrender to commitment. to commit to time. to commit to something. loyalty. loyalty is madness, love in a form, a manifestation. 

what I value: loyalty, first to self and today was the day I would prove it. i got up to rearrange some pieces in my room: a crystal ball someone had given me: glass and part jasper and a large crystal pillar: another brown jasper with a picture of a fox, a black fox that from a distance looks like it’s melting and if you look closer you see stars and trees, like it’s night in the woods and the fox melts down the paper. it was very soothing to look at it in moments of crisis as my body tried to reconcile the sudden dizziness and headache and stomach rumble that can consume a person at first if they arent careful.

I’m on drugs i reminded myself. i always remind myself on my drugs.