I want to insure my life suddenly. I want to insure the rest of my years.  I got up suddenly. That’s how I always get up anyway but I got up to end the bath ritual. I toweled myself without thought, quickly and ran back to the bedroom. I wanted to wear my favorite shirt: a blue velvet peacock transparent thing and underwear that made me feel unrestricted but pretty.  these transparent black boy-cut shorts with white stitching on the front. both outfits see through and the top loose: long sleeves and flowing. I just got under the covers. needing the weight. taking the pressure. humbled. careful. reorganizing thoughts as they trickled down reorganizing time. there is no time. reorganizing structures. plainly accepting while also scrutinizing my reactions to this:

I want to burn everything down. I wanted to remove every item from my house and then maybe torch the house. I wanted everything gone.