these journal entries I am writing are based on my real and true psychosis, however, all I have from that period of time is my dream journal and my memory. there is no social media from this time. no pictures in my phone from about early 12/2016 to may 27 2017. there are no texts. no playlists. there are inscrutable notes in my phone and a few index cards but that’s it. it’s as if that period of time is erased.

luckily, it was indelible and cannot be forgotten. a psychic once asked about my book. she was excited for this asking If I was mixing truths with fiction and I said yes. she said good. the book I am writing is fiction with a fake ending and fake characters that come into play. however, this was all based on a real psychosis. a real winter of baths, ritual, obsessive organizing and me disappearing, from the internet and my friend’s lives without a word.