“am I always the lamb?” 

I envisioned myself crying earlier and then I felt the beginning ripple as I stood on my bedroom floor, suddenly up again.  I wanted to stay lying down but the shadows all over my walls moved. I could feel it rise in me. I would think of Hecate. this is what you asked for. this what you got. nothing. I started to sob unhinged:loud and childlike. knowing that your parents will vanish and so will your childhood. the house full of mold, soft. falling down. having hardly any remnants left of it living. many things gone too. the structure of your family dissolving. and the shell of it, me, here. heartbroken. missing so much of my childhood that will never be again or be seen again. the house itself  rotting.. it will be abandoned. it will be torn and something will be rebuilt on the land. I cannot explain or mention these things in passing, therefore I don’t get into them. here I am still, standing, facing the cream of the wall between paintings. 

only a second has gone by.

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