I tell them,
I am not writing about the men
you see unless it’s
my
dead dad
or
my
dead brother.

wearing his  knit NY Giants cap
everywhere and
holding in a feeling,
then stoned and stripped,
replaying the final moment:
hand held, eye contact,
the knowing I had and decision
to forgo a flowery speech.
elision.
the last thing my father and I ever
said to each other was
I love you

before I left,
palms on the linoleum,
sobs held,
bargaining,
please,
one more Christmas.

1. (love)