when you come home
with the giant brass
industrial art piece to hang
at the top of the stairs,
first
I noticed
it had no smooth
edges

like a pinwheel
fringed with daggers.
in fact, I was afraid
it might cut me in the middle
of the night and the second thing
I noticed was
you were a libertarian.
I had the grace to not even
ask how much it cost.
I had bought us an entire chocolate
cake using food stamps
so I cannot judge and I
have learned
life is meaningless.

one way of coping
is ennui.
you become overcome
with a sudden boredom
bordering fatigue.
you can’t even argue.
you can’t aggress or retract,
almost as if you are floating
through it all.
but not as happy or light
as that. like you’re being
controlled by a beam.
it’s more terrifying the
grip this new surrender has.

your arched back,
your upward gaze,
some kind of nothing.
it is easier to yawn
than cry, but
their laughter
gets you–
braying:

so deep and
directed
at you.

“ennui”