rafters lit with strobe lights,
broken paneled reflections of
thirty years of bottled insights,
the air is laced with metallic smiles,
a camaraderie that’s uninviting
and sporadic flickers
of someone else’s lighter.
I rock in the center absentmindedly.
I have no business stopping by.
you watch me with
staggered silence and
smile wide and big and
I’m impacted in seconds,
sides of me are split,
flowing as I stand
your smirk some
you watch me mask my panic
with ten plus years of
a bawling inner child,
that end in stifled violence,
milky looks and a muted
I am wearing
my best calf impression:
doe-eyed and anxious.
blue tights, black heeled boots that
scuff the floor as I
wander as I daydream in public;
rub a soft elbow,
sip a virgin seltzer tonic with
cherries and some other
stay as close to God as possible
watch you with marrow armor and
calculated patience and I am a spinning
blue black swirl of approachable
twirl somewhere nearby and deign to give you
open eyes for at least
twenty seconds at a time.
you crack a joke and
my laugh is deep,
brays right through you
like a swaying knife.
you asked for it.