I had begun to rearrange my house and make use of the chest that came with the side room. this gaudy yellow carnival looking piece, all wood. the people that helped me to move asked if I wanted it removed. but I loved the mirror. the case itself  was weird. I found it tacky.  it looks like it was made for an arcade fortune teller that you stick coins inside. I began to decorate it now. having not known what to do with it. first the urn. then black tourmaline and driftwood from oceanview. then a picture of us: my brother and I as children and the brass piece he made in high school. an old art project. 

I also began to cry in my bathtub. it felt good. I rearranged the chest and then took a long bath. I lined the tub with crystals and about three candles. I let the music drift in. it was all ambient. all I could take. I would let minutes tick by as I watched  the candles make shapes in their little glass containers. and I don’t know if I made meaning of it. it seems like I did inquire things and then wait for pictures. I sat back more in the bath then I did on any couch. my tub was chipping away slowly. the paint coming off. the thing repainted over and over and so poorly at that. I had given up asking for help with it shortly after I moved. I soaked in that tub many nights beginnign that fall. it always smelled like lavender. 

I was laid out in the tub like that night after night, stoned, watching candles project shadows on my wall.sometimes I would see the centipede on the ceiling the day before knowing it had been in here having seen it here before. in the tub as my cat watched it. I thought of it like a friendly wraith. here to deliver something to me. a symbol of luck. others detest insects but I make vows to protect them. 

 if anyone asked how I was doing, I said fine.

12/5/2016

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