I agree the weed is complicating things. This is why I tell no one of my habits. Avoidance is key. 

“I’ll sort this out,” I say cheerily, passing a family of five. 

Smile. I smile at the young girl and her mother looks me up and down. The streets are crowded. I keep my hood up and try to lay low. Anytime someone on the street taps me for something, I am startled. If anyone asks for anything, I just poise like I’ve been shot and they retreat, alarmed by my dramatic shock at their intrusion. I’ve been known to gasp or shriek. We back away from each other. I have started to wear my old wigs sometimes.

“Just to get into character,” I say, waving my hands.

A woman with two children passes me and I don’t think she knows I am wearing a wig! I’m delighted and smile big at her children and she veers around me, her eyebrows furrowed.  I am what you call “full momentum.” If I go on two walks a day, I call that “a failure.” Three has happened but I am usually upset by something. I can walk from my house to 2nd and South on a bright day. That’s about an hour and a half and then an hour and a half back. The snow has started. Generally, it’s getting snowy. I think I’ll take the bridge but then I can’t possibly muster it. Today is a one day walk but I am at 2nd and South. I don’t buy anything. I just look at all the windows. Think. 

“I should buy something.”

I go in the crystal shop and touch everything I see. I pocket things sure. Who doesn’t? I say out loud and a clerk turns her head to look at me. I buy a little round black obsidian to assuage her suspicion.

“Any plans for the weekend?” a man with many facial tattoos asks me.

It’s 8:18 pm, Friday night, 31 degrees and dropping.

“Oh, just gonna get some rest.”

I hand him a five dollar bill and put the change in my pocket. This is a good exchange because I am loose. The wig helps. I feel unrecognizable. Begin the hour and a half walk back. Sometimes I stop and stare into windows so it can take two hours instead. I receive many texts. I think to myself avoidance is key but I say it out loud as a group of couples pass me and one smiles. I reach out and touch his elbow. 

1/12/2017

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