dream I was being pulled out of my body. I ran downstairs. My neighbors were watching their old vacation videos and I asked them to come upstairs. I made the sign of the cross the whole way up. When we got back to my apartment, I saw myself next to a Christmas tree, like I was hanging decorations. I had cat eyes. I said “out demon out demon get out of my house.” My house was the same as it is in waking life except for the Christmas tree. I looked like I did when I was 22 and living with xxx. It was the same tree. Later I went to (redacted) and told her what happened. My face was beat up and I was crying. I also attended a Modest Mouse show for free. A cat was being circulated in the crowd and I pet it. I was alone but genuinely having a good time.

Morning was short today. I got to sleep in. Til about ten. I couldn’t believe it. Normally, I am up by 6 am and I can’t stop it. It’s rare if I go to bed later than 11. I am usually sleeping from 10-5 or 11-6 and no more. It’s not the sun that wakes me up but a distance. I can’t explain it. I feel like I am rising with someone who is also rising. 

Today I practice the spine game. It starts with an affirmative statement to test. Same with the pendulum. IT started with the pendulum actually. I would practice a few times and determine yes was right and no was left. However, I noticed the same thing happened inside of me when I played with the pendulum. I began to make statements. Not questions. I would walk around making statements and feel the energy in my body shift one way or another depending. Now, it’s hard. The stasis. Finding what’s true. So I began to test it.

I sit centered in front of living room altar. I can see two candles on top and a picture of my brother and I. I am a woman. I feel the tingle of my spine rise up and to the right. I am a man. I feel the tingle of my spine drop and hit the lowest point of my back. I am 31 years old. I feel it rise again and sometimes my heart will burst too. I attend Temple Social Work school. It’s like a light vibration up and down. Here is the tricky part. xxx is thinking about me. and it shoots like that, up and towards the heart. 

I’m giggling. We know not to bet on anything that talks. We also discovered the spine game. 

“Ok,” I say out loud. “I am going to begin the name game.”

I turn over one card and start laughing.

“It’s the King of Swords again.”

My cat is on the window staring at me and I am legs crossed, becoming floor. Or rather, becoming the name game. That is, I begin to list them. And here is the tricky part. Be careful what you say. I turn over the next card.

“It’s the Magician Reversed again, Genevieve!”

I look to my right but she has gone somewhere else. 

“Isis.”

And a slow, overpowering wind moves up my back and I am grinning like I’ve been eating shit and spitting it. 

1/3/2017