I have a recurring vision
of me on the ground
twisting string in my fingers,
delirious and
I swear I can’t breathe.

I swear I’m not forsaken,
I say out loud to them,
I swear I renounce all evil in me.
tell him this is urgent,
my legs are jelly and I
cannot walk
          sir, I cannot walk anymore,
I repeat to the EMT that refuses to
give me oxygen and
you materialize, suddenly
screaming
I am praying for you.
you are not making it happen,
you are seeing it first. 

wait, back up,
that’s too complex
.a fire engine blares its horn
and I’m still wavering
in front of the park.
the little girl is doing
cartwheels for a small
blond child but when she sees
me looking again,  she skips in
a circle and smiles.
I know never to bet on
anything that talks
so I push the whole thing
aside, keep walking.

feel a bone
in my knees
bend.

“nine of wands”

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