one time I came to in my kitchen
holding a knife over my wrist and
a phone with an unsent text
to a girlfriend
asking for help,
telling her where I was at.

these things haunt you
when you do the dishes
sometimes.

“squall”

“it has become the present:
unending and without
form.”

 

–louise gluck

 

Dear xxx,

I hope you’re happy
soon.

 

“How to free yourself”

but to you there’s no difference between
decimation and the resolve so you’re
palms out begging for it
and here comes the reaper
wearing your blood.

you are God-drawn,
celibate,
obsessively
testing yourself and
wrapping lovers in
protection.
what white eyes you have
even in blackness,
even in malice you take
the time to care:
line their wrists in violet,
mugwort, alyssum.
crown them in tourmaline,
rose quartz and apophyllite.
              it’s your gift we’re after
hear them clap.
become the madness for
them; deliver asylum and
I love you.
it is always me on the hearth
learning chants and you
tall, wickless and
unburned beside me
so I can’t see unless I
set myself on fire
and you remember the
bind you’re in.
what it’s all about.
I already said:
     it’s the titles you should
        be looking at.
“this unfolds reversing” or “in pyre”

you won’t believe this
but in the distance I hear
tell me everything about yourself again

and I start screaming.

”it happens too often that people are saddled with names that are given to them by their conquerors.”

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