dream I was watching xxx fight a demon and female ghost. i had left this house and left him to do it on his own. i just abandoned him in this way. 

I prefer not to write my feelings unless I think no one will ever see them. my handwriting is atrocious and barely legible. when I think about this, I become ashamed and also think that no one will ever understand me. writing hurts my hand too because of the straw. I explained to my therapist that I prefer to type because it’s more legible and clean. she thinks the act of writing will be healing. I think that I have arthritis. I don’t know how to explain the straw, my need to grip. my therapist says I have tons of trauma and I am inclined to agree. 

the important thing is that I stop making lists. no, the important thing is that I don’t lie to my journal. also, I would like to make less lists. 


goal: finish SWOP draft
gratitude: my cats. my ability to change. scarves. the beginning of fall. halloween. something intangible I reach for. the reaching.


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